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The Water

Why should i do it? Why do I terrify myself with the ocean…?

It really is true, it can be merciless, practically; it's not really conscious, so that it has no feelings, no sorrow, no pity, no consciousness. It would be wrong to say it is inanimate, since it is certainly animate. And not in, yet contains so much your life within it might as well be. Like a Frankenstein physique filled with skin cells and bacterias and neural impulses but no intelligence.

My personal worst headache – I actually don't have that very often nevertheless it's a strong one – can take many different forms and happen in many different places: it can being stressed by a tsunami.

I sitting watching one of the biggest waves on the globe – by Teahupoo – with my friend, a psychologist. I asked her what a psychiatrist would say that fear of a tsunami meant. " I dunno. Likely something to do with the mother. Normally is, right? ”. Nevertheless I won't be able to help thinking I'm as well just simply scared of death by simply drowning.

For what reason then should i travel by simply freighter dispatch, why then do I wish to cruise across the sea in a little sail motorboat? Funnily, the tsunami fantasy never takes place at marine. It's always the shore that is certainly inundated. With this wall of approaching death. But the marine still frightens me. As well it should. It's the only sensible reaction to be mindful of such a beast. I continue wishing to anthropomorphise it. Can i?

Cautious, yes… but afraid? I'm aiming to work out is my dread rational or perhaps irrational. Will i think the sea, the marine, symbolises something, someone? Do I think something – like the tsunami – is arriving at get myself? Or somebody? Or could it be myself gowns haunting me?

Even here on the connect, of a vast freighter ship, 150 ft above the relaxed dark waters of the Pacific, I be anxious. I i am outside, I hear a horn. Is that ours, We ask? The watchmen declare no maybe it was radio stations. It wasn't a a radio station. I check the radar – nothing. I actually skip outside the house again now with goggles. Give me a guy with binoculars over the electronic tools. Or is it just my personal lack of beliefs? Faith in what? In...

23.08.2019

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